wacky capris' Journal

Subject:	Happy feeling loved
Time:	12:10 am.

A happy birthday text at exactly 12:00 midnight from Scott. Long moonlit walk on the beach with Abi. A flight to the sierras in the morning. Birthday plans straight through for the rest of the weekend.

I'm doing it right, finally. And it feels so good.

28 is going to be a year that knocks my socks off!!!!

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Subject:	Still alive (believe it or not!)
Time:	1:56 pm.

Hi lovelies.

I've been away from LJ for so long that I feel pretty disconnected from you all. I should be getting Internet at the apartment on Wednesday at long last, and then I will be able to keep up on your lives again!

In the meantime, I'm typing this from my iPhone (I joined the cult…), which is actually Ben's 1st-gen one that he just gave me!!! I love it so much, I'm thoroughly appreciating al the useful data I can now access on the fly.

Other than that, I am quite, quite well. Work is busy and good, flyng lessons continue apace, and I've met someone delightful (Scott) who bring joy into my life daily!

I will write more when I can, but know I am thinking of you all.

Love,
bpc

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Subject:	monsters vs. aliens
Time:	11:58 pm.

I went and saw this movie today with Danny and Danae. They were excellent about trying to pull me out of my funk.

I liked this movie. I was skeptical at the start because there's a wedding and I wasn't pleased about that but the story picks up and I liked the female protagonist's growth from bland nothingness to fully self-actuated person. PG for a reason, there's some cartoon violence and the very smallest kids in the audience were a little scared, I think. Overall it's not great cinema, and it's not Pixar, but it was good. See it at a matinee, or wait for video.

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Subject:	I give up on my dream...for now
Time:	4:15 am.

Okay, universe. I acquiesce. I admit that moving to a new city in the middle of a huge life change is probably a bad idea. The airport isn't THAT much farther away, as long as I plan my driving correctly. It's probably better to stay close to school for now, and just visit Oakland when I can. I admit that as much as I want to live alone, if I don't move to Oakland, I have to have roommates. So I will begin looking. Tonight I realized that I would miss the city a lot if I moved away, and yet - the place my heart probably really lives is Alameda, the place in which I first began. The time and money are not right yet for an Alameda move, I believe, and so I will wait. I have already decided to put off a PhD indefinitely, and staying in SF leaves me open for another move next year, or in six months, or whenever.

As I said to my friend Sean G. tonight, "every single thing in my life is in flux right now." That's too many things. Something needs to settle, and I think my housing will be it.

East Bay, I miss you already, but I get to see you every time I go to the airport, and then some.

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Subject:	more of the same!
Time:	11:11 pm.
Mood:	proud, satisfied.

Eight takeoffs and landings today!! Back in good old 6605D (pictured in my icon). 100 degrees on the runway, a little cooler in the plane. However, pattern work is so incredibly mentally demanding that I was pouring sweat the entire time. It was running down my face and into my eyes at one point. When I got out at the hangars to tie down the plane I noticed that my t-shirt was soaked entirely through and the seat was damp everywhere my body had touched it. Also, the inside of my headset earcups were wet. Kinda gross, but also very, very satisfying.

Hard work, high praise from Drew, and another stellar flying day. Now I have a week to mull it all over until I get to go again. :)

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Subject:	What goes up...
Time:	11:19 pm.
Mood:	elated, accomplished.

Today, I landed the plane! Five times! Granted, I had a ~~little~~ lot of guidance from my watchful instructor (who promised me he wouldn't let us die, har har) but it was phenomenal. I get to do it again tomorrow, too. WHEEEEEEE! We also flew down to the south bay and did some ground reference maneuvers; rectangular courses and turns around a point. Hard work, and all about learning the finesse needed to fly the airplane well. The weather was gorgeous, clear and sunny with some light wind. It was really hot today though, nearly 90F when we got back to the airport. We were sweating up there in the plane, and I was pretty much soaked after doing landings, the stress of landing combined with the hot temperatures made me sweat a lot more than I was expecting!

Normally I fly one of the Alameda Aero Club's 172s, either N6605D or N739UL, but today I got to take up a 150, N16196. It's a much smaller, more skittery plane, but certainly doesn't have as much ooomph as the 172s. The plane belongs to Lou Fields, a super cool old dude who runs a repair shop out of some hangars at the north field. He wasn't around today, but when he is, I love to talk with him and hear his lifetime of wild pilot stories.

16196 was a blast to fly, and I had a GREAT day.

Have some pictures. ;)

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Subject:	why does it work this way?
Time:	7:30 pm.

Each day is harder, not easier. I'm not even drinking, but the things I do to try to cope seem to stave off short term depression but each morning I wake up a little more unhappy and each day falling asleep is harder and getting up more daunting, and no matter how much I stretch, my body still aches.

I don't know why it works this way.

I just got invited to a wedding next weekend of two people I really care about. I'll go, but, really, sigh.

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Subject:	DEAR WORLD
Time:	8:38 pm.
Mood:	excited.

This is advance notice that something awesome is going to happen on my birthday this year, because my birthday IS ON A SATURDAY!!!!

I, uh, don't know what is going to happen, but I am going to ensure that it is awesome.

I figure two and a half months (June 27th) is enough time to make something awesome happen. :)

And now that I've said it, it CAN'T BE UNAWESOMED.

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Subject:	paying attention to my poor stomach
Time:	4:30 pm.

I think my new manta will be, "Don't have a whole sandwich when a half sandwich will do." I've been eating too much out of habit, but my actual appetite is very small. Massive stomach aches result! Ugh! Today I ate a half sandwich and promised myself a second half if I was still hungry. I wasn't. Hungry, that is. No stomach ache either.

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Subject:	totally gratuitous whining
Time:	11:44 am.

If I just wrote a post that said "I slept terribly last night and woke up sad and depressed." and left it at the top of my LJ, I think I would probably have my writing covered for the next month.

At least Sean and Sarah arrive tonight, and soon there will be science and flying lessons to distract me.

I'm FINE, because I'm always fine, but I'm just...blah.

Hopefully you won't hear much more of this from me. I'll put it behind a cut next time.

PS - Thank you to the people who emailed me. It meant, and still means, SO MUCH to me. I have reread your emails several times. When I have the heart, I will email you back. But know I read your emails eagerly and repeatedly, and feel very loved by you.

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Subject:	oh, heart
Time:	3:42 am.

Went out tonight to Molly's birthday at the Knockout in the Mission. Started drinking at 7:30 pm, stopped sometime in the third gin-and-tonic. Got lovely drunk. Hung out with a whole pile of school friends. Sang some really fun, quite theatrical karaoke. People I didn't know actually complimented me on it! Flirted with my cute friends, danced with my girlfriends TONS, danced alone, talked to stranger, laughed with everyone, caught a cab to Deb's with everyone at 2:30 am and then home shortly thereafter. A moderately wild, very fun night.

And yet. And yet.

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Subject:	MONEY!
Time:	9:10 am.
Mood:	funded!.

Guys, this morning I woke to find an email in my inbox telling me that I'd received a Geological Society of America Graduate Research Grant for $3750!!! This will fund most, if not all of my analytical work, and pretty much ensures that this project will get finished!!

I am SO excited. The reviews of my grant were REALLY good, people finally think what I'm doing is great!!!

YAY!!

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Subject:	DV update
Time:	3:44 pm.

Hi Guys.

I'm checking email from a parking lot in Shoshone, not online long enough to check lj, just long enough to do email and update you.

I've been here a week. Work is going really, really well. My field assistants left this morning. They were heroic and invaluable and I will write more about them some day.

The weather's been great but really windy. One hot day, the rest warm but nice. I never did get over my cold, went to Death Valley Health Center this afternoon, they think I have mild bronchitis and fluid in my ears. Cautioned me to keep taking good care of myself. Doing fieldwork when you're sick really, really sucks, let me just say. I've been a good girl and haven't been drinking or smoking. I'm off to Pahrump in five minutes to get my prescription filled for a Z-pack and to get some groceries. Tonight, a soak and a SHOWER in the hot springs (can't freakin' wait) and then tomorrow going out in the field with my advisor. Probably won't check email again until late next week. Should be home in a week from now if all goes well, and I expect it to.

Hope you're all well...

with love from the desert,

bpc

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Subject:	last trip to DV
Time:	9:52 am.
Mood:	expectant, positive.

In a few hours (running so late, wow) I am leaving for Death Valley.

I expect I will be gone about two weeks, and back in early April.

Aaron just left, after a super sweet evening together. It was a really nice way to begin this last phase of traveling.

I won't have email or phone but once a week, but I'll check when I can.

Love you all, see you soon, may all your endeavors in the meantime be successful ones!

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Subject:	Advance Notice: Seeing East Bay Housing!
Time:	5:47 pm.

Hey All -

I know not many of you are SF Bayers, but some of you are. Maybe you know some Bay Area folks too. I would like to recruit your help for my next moving adventure!

No, I don't need you to pack boxes or move furniture (though that wouldn't hurt...) what I need is your networking powers!

My lease on my current apartment is up on May 31st. I have decided to move back to the East Bay. There are many reasons why, but the most salient is cost. I can get much more apartment for my money in the East Bay and still have access to most of the things I use frequently. It will be a little farther from school, but the commute is easy and I won't be going in every day next semester.

Here is what I am looking for:

I can pay $900/mo OR LESS for rent. I desire a 1-bedroom apartment. Parking should be either included at the building or on the street directly next to the building. I am willing to pay more to have off-street parking. Laundry on site is highly preferable as well. I am looking in Oakland or Alameda, I don't want to live in Berkeley. I need to be within a mile or two of the BART (walking/biking/busing distance) and in a relatively safe neighborhood.

Alternatively, I would consider living with a roommate if it was a two-bathroom setup like I currently have. But for $900 I know there are lots of nice places in the East Bay.

If you know someone who is moving out of an awesome place, or just know of a great place that I might not see on Craigslist, will you please let me know??

I can sign a May 1st, May 15th or June 1st lease. A mid-May lease would be ideal but I will be able to swing a full month of double rent if I have to.

A million thanks in advance!!

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